Oh, BOY!

The anticipation and excitement of this day had been built up for a LONG time.

Even though Jeremy and I knew we we were supposed to have another child even WE were in denial. It didn't make sense. And still doesn't in SO many ways.

We knew it was going to be a girl. 100% we knew. No doubt. I had an Amazon cart full of amazing girl rompers that were going to be shipped and start their 2 month long journey from China to our humble home to welcome our new little girl in style! My 9 year old was going to be twinning with her daily and prayed that she would have red hair etc. Seriously. We all knew.

She had a name. A name that we would refer to this child before we even started trying. Even before we got married.

We knew.

As the ultrasound tech tried to get this baby to uncross it's legs we joked, and laughed, and giggled. Then, she found "it."

The room fell silent.

My eyes connected with my husband's, and then do my daughter's, and then closed.

We were wrong? How could we be wrong?

The poor tech triple checked as the confusion was almost tangible.

Nope. We were just straight up wrong.

My daughter's sadness only lasted as long as it took to open Pinerest where she was able to start planning and dreaming up the "gender reveal" pictures we were going to take. Clearly she couldn't just pick one...so we did them all!

I've had the hardest time connecting to this pregnancy. I've been bitter. I've been sick. I've experienced levels of exhaustion I didn't know existed. Almost angry that this was my path because it does not makes sense. But! I just couldn't deny it. This baby needed to come to us. I had a hard time voicing these things because I felt so much shame complaining. So much guilt for being able to get pregnant so quickly when so many families are doing everything they possibly can, or selling all they have just to have ONE and here I am being frustrated that I had to "endure" and show strength in yet another area of my life.

However, I needed to walk with faith. I needed to have this baby.

I guess at the end of the day all of us experience different things that stretch us further than we thought we could be stretched.

When we found out it was a boy I started connecting. It was like my soul knew and was rejecting connecting when I thought it was a girl. Sounds weird. I totally get it. But I swear that is what was happening.

Fatigue is starting to lift. My appetite is coming back little by little. I'm eating candy corn by the handfuls.

I'm excited.

Excited to see my husband hold a little boy that we created together.

Excited to see what joy this little bundle can add to our home.

Excited to meet him. To name him. To hold him. To raise him.

Oh, BOY!