Hashtag Fly is an organization that I started with the support of my awesome family in the midst of the deepest pain I had ever experienced. It was rough.
Do you remember my journey? Did you follow my story?
It was how I was able to heal. To find myself. To find purpose in what I had endured; an abusive marriage, and sexual abuse as a child. Its where I found a version of my self I didn't even know existed! Someone strong, confident, and man...I thought she was freakin' cool.
#Fly is an experience designed for women who had experienced abuse. Women who questioned their value. Women who struggled to see any beauty in themselves. Women who experienced and lived in trauma.
I was giving these women makeovers and photo shoots along with purchasing clothing for them so that they could learn to love and dress their body in its current and beautiful state.
In short, I was assisting them in seeing themselves the way that they wanted to feel. It has nothing to do with the makeup. Or the clothes. It has to do with how they felt once the process was complete. It has to do with capturing them in a moment of peace. Clarity. So that they can look at themselves and see the beauty that everyone else sees.
When someone experiences trauma, specifically childhood trauma, there is a part of their brain that is affected deeply. In Bessel Van der Kolk's book The Body Keeps the Score I learned that trauma can actually prevent someone from being able to recognize themselves in the mirror. You can develop a lack of awareness. The actual structures of self-recognition and self-experience may be knocked down. The result is that it causes one to see themselves as how they feel in turmoil and trauma rather than in the moment that they are in.
Do they know that it is them when they are looking in the mirror?
Yes.
But do they look and connect with themselves with their reflection?
No.
That is why looking at photographs for people who suffer from this is so difficult. It isn't just poor body image or lack of self esteem. Its confusing down to the core. It's awful.
I know it's awful because I've experienced it. I've lived it. I've processed it.
I ran #Fly for about a year. This was one of the most exciting times of my whole life. I was able to watch as God unfolded a path for me. It was like nothing I had ever experienced before. The closeness I felt to my God was tangible. He cared. He loved me. He carried me (insert Foot Prints in the Sand here)...jk. But, really. He knew I had a willing heart. So he guided me.
After that year I was hired on to another larger non-profit. I was able to build up a similar experience for this non-profit and ran a team who would do around 30 makeovers and photo shoots in 2 days. In my time there I personally photographed over 1000 women.
We had developed a process that allowed for each of these women to feel transformed in such a short amount of time.
I worked there for a few years and gained so much insight that I wouldn't have developed had I not worked there. I feel like it was a gift to learn and grow in the ways that I did during the good and the hard. While I do feel like my time there was cut shorter than what God's plan original was, I will forever be thankful for my experiences along with the lifelong friendships I developed and strengthened.
So, what's next? Good flippin' question.
I don't feel like my purpose has been fulfilled yet.
I feel like there is more to my story and I am ready to explore what that purpose is with God by my side teaching me and guiding me. Just like He did before.
Meet Briana...the woman in these pictures.
She is the result of a challenge my husband gave me during the month of Arpil to do 1 #Fly session.
Briana radiates light at lightning speed. She is going through many personal struggles and yet has the heart to help inspire so many.
Briana, thank you. Thank you for coming and spending this time with me! Thank you for being vulnerable and allowing this process to be a part of your journey.
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